Chapter 12


Achieving Balance and Fulfillment in a Stressful World.

By: Sara Paddison


 Passion is a neutral energy that adds to and amplifies your care. When you care and have a passion to understand and help others, you have compassion. You can see passionate care in the Mother Theresa’s of the world. Something burns inside their hearts in endless service to the sick, the destitute and those whom society has forgotten. You can see compassion in the eyes of a kind teacher, whose heart goes out to a troubled child. You can find it in a wise judge who looks deep into the very heart of the accused with a clarity that transcends the letter of the law.

Compassion digs for the quality of deep understanding. Isn’t our judicial system founded on the premise that all are innocent until proven guilty? That’s the bottom line of compassion, although many forget it in the heat of today’s social problems. Unless you love .people, you can never understand them. When you love people, enough to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, you discover compassion. True love and compassion release other people to be themselves because they finally feel understood. Care and compassion are heart frequencies that are activated by a sincere attitude of wanting to help. They are power tools that, if used, strengthen your connection with your own heart and your ability to love.

Quite often compassion slips into the lower heart band of sympathy. Sympathy drains your energy and bleeds you of your vitality because it has qualities of sadness, pity and remorse. Using your heart intelligence, you can walk in someone else’s shoes without walking off the cliff with them. You have respect for both yourself and the other. Sincerely loving them creates a new perspective of balanced understanding.

What people often perceive as the evil and difficult side of human nature is laced with what most call fear . I choose to call it a lack of understanding. Many times when something is new or unknown, and you don’t understand the situation, it can create fear. In a stressful world, people instinctively respond from the head, with frequencies of anger, paranoia or defensiveness — all forms of fear. Fear is an illusion of the mind, yet all fears have a “make-sense” to them. There is always an answer and a satisfying understanding that releases fear, even if it isn’t at your fingertips in the moment. Your heart intelligence can release you from fear if you give it a chance to bring in a new perspective. But if you’re locked into fear, the mind doesn’t see any way out.

Fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by anticipation that something bad is going to happen. Fear of the unknown comes from not being able to perceive life from the heart. We fear we will not be able to understand and adapt to change. Usually, we like change if we can control it — knowing what’s coming, moving at our own speed, etc. But life doesn’t tend to deliver like that.

Fear can be paralyzing. In inner cities, like Detroit, New York and Los Angeles, a majority of people live in fear — fear of leaving home at night, fear of drive-by shootings, fear of rape, robbery and other violence. In suburbia, many live in fear of losing their jobs, of a lowered standard of living, or fear that the violence of the city will spread to their neighborhood.

Fear is also created by the memory of having experienced hurt, pain, sadness, or anger, and not wanting to experience it again. You may be protecting those places in your heart that were bruised. If you glaze over your fears pretending they don’t exist, you are still harming yourself. Science has shown that repressed fear secretes hormones in your bloodstream that have a real debilitating effect on your immune system. Compassion for yourself is a powerful tool to release those fears. Quite often, an open heart results in feeling the pain of humiliation. You probably had times in life when you loved with the openness of a child, then someone treated you without compassion, laughed, or even punished you for being that way. So you closed your heart out of fear, to protect yourself from ever feeling that pain again.

Fear is a deeply rooted frequency in our stressful world today. People build emo-tional defenses and then deny their feelings. Fear gets buried under layers of denial, often turning into repressed anger and hostility. The suppression of emotions is unhealthy. When your anger has no place to go, it can turn into an attack on yourself, or it can generate blame for others and result in an unjustified attack on them. To release your anger, first try to love or feel compassion for those you want to blame. This can help you calm down. Then try to share your anger with them with -out an attack . Express how you feel without blaming them for making you feel that way. If you turn rage outward in blame, it will kill your relationships; if you turn rage inward, it will kill you with disease. Unexpressed anger and rage eat away at you like a cancer, while hostility and venting anger often lead to heart disease.

At an annual meeting of the American Heart Association, several papers were presented on the effects of anger and hostility on the heart. The SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE reported, “For years, many experts assumed that hard-driving, impatient people with classic Type “A “ personalities were at high risk of heart attacks. But many now believe that the truly lethal personality trait is hostility and anger.... When people get angry, their bodies pump out stress hormones, such as adrenaline, which trigger the body to release fat into the blood stream to provide energy. People with high hostility at age 19 tend to have high cholesterol levels at 40.”

It is neither possible nor desirable to avoid all painful and sorrowful experiences in your life . They help you deepen your feelings of compassion for yourself and all others. What you need to do is take conscious responsibility for how you choose to perceive painful experiences. You can make your decision from the third dimensional head perspective or from the higher fourth dimensional intelligence of the heart . Fear-based decisions made by individuals in the name of self-protection, are what created the limiting perceptions of separate races, cultures and nations. Individuals who break these patterns of history will lead us through the passageways of compassion and understanding and into the consciousness of self-empowerment.

As the world steadily turns back to the rights of individuals and individual responsibility, it will also have to honor the principles of the collective whole. In God’s plan, everyone would be taken care of, so there would have to be compassion for all. The shortest route to the heart of the matter is to “love,” taking personal re-sponsibility for using your higher intelligence, your heart computer. The fund-amental change for the world will occur when we as individuals open our minds to heart perspectives.


“I’m Dysfunctional, You’re Dysfunctional,” is the title of a new book pointing out how America has become a nation of victims. It’s a trend to blame our parents for our dysfunctional behavior. When I was in college and just starting out on my own, I blamed my parents for having sheltered me too much. I had only lived on military bases and entering mainstream society was a shock. My parents diligently followed all the disciplined rules of the base. Like many young people tasting independence for the first time, it was convenient to blame anything I didn’t like about myself on them. Watching my college friends do the same thing, it did not take me long to realize that no matter what my upbringing (or perhaps because of my upbringing), I was responsible for myself. Today, I sincerely thank my parents for how they raised me and the example they set for me. I value self-discipline and the core values I learned.

In this stressful society, there is so much we all have to cope with, it’s easy to blame our problems on others. “Co-dependency” is a popular term today, applied to any problem associated with any addiction, real or imagined, that involves another person. In exploring co-dependency, many are trying to reclaim a sense of identity, power, and balance so that they can stop feeling victimized in their own lives. It is easy to feel discouraged with ourselves and that discouragement leads to more self-judgment because we feel we “should know better” and “should have learned by now.” It may very well be true that dysfunctional families are incubators of shame, guilt, anger, denial and self-doubt. It’s not a child’s fault for having adapted dysfunctionally to a distressed family environment. But it is an adult’s responsibility to release the blame and take on the self-work that will reshape their adult experience. Many continue to see themselves as adult victims of early family dynamics rather than as self-determining participants.

The victim scenario repeats itself in towns and cities all over our nation and is a trend of our larger cultural environment, regardless of race, religion or socio-economic status. We realize there are problems, but don’t know what to do about them. We fear dying young, but fear growing old. We fear not finding the right relationship, but fear we’ve found the right relationship. Here comes marriage, and we fear being tied down. We fear not getting a new home, but fear the stress of house payments and upkeep. Nowadays we yell, scream and hate ourselves — internally beating ourselves up. What we do to ourselves is often times worse than what we blame our parents for. Usually, we don’t think to feel compassion for our families having done the best they knew how . Somewhere along the line we are accountable for ourselves.

Emotional energy turned inwards is our own personal self-created hell — illness, violent relationships, drug addiction, alcoholism, child abuse, compulsive eating, anorexia, depression and obsessions are the grim results. Yes, we pass our attitudes on to our children. The collective hell turned outwards creates violence, gangs, crime, homelessness, war and starvation. Is our disease, individually and socially, an addiction to negativity and pain?


With all our pain, we retreat behind the prison many of us have erected around our hearts for self-protection. But we haven’t imprisoned anything but our pain. Grief is the iron bars that surround a heart in pain. As the mind plays tapes of grief, the real heart seems very distant. Grief is a state of mind that has turned its back on the power of love. It manifests as a deep feeling of being unloved. To live in grief is to live in loneliness, cut off from the gift of life.  Sometimes life presents situat-ions that cause a painful shock to your system— bankruptcy, job loss, divorce, betrayal, death of a close friend. Grief occurs when you allow that shock to consume you. The mind keeps replaying the painful experience again and again, building the power of despair as it goes . For example, when a loved one dies, you feel loss and sorrow. As we acknowledge and focus on the sorrow, grief results. But the tendency of the mind is to hold onto grief. Society encourages it. If you’re not grieving enough over the loss of your husband or wife, society judges you. If you’re not crying enough at the funeral, you think people are looking at you disrespectfully.

The mind recoils at losing what it holds most dear. The tendency of the mind to hold onto guilt and fear, to cling to self-judgment and blame, is an aspect of grief. We become rigid with denial and self-protection, and sink into a feeling of “not enoughness.” Inside, we look into a warped mirror, created by the inharmonious frequencies of third dimensional thinking. Our self-image seems distorted, unacceptable, unwhole and unlovable. Our thoughts tell us we are unworthy and useless . What a living hell we have created for ourselves. Yet, we hold on — our grief has become a stimulus that gives at least some deeper feeling to life.

People often say they drink excessively to block the pain of grief. But often, it’s just a launching pad for further exploration of despair. They become pitiful so they can feel the anguish at a deeper level. Why this fascination with despair? It’s because people have not learned how to re-connect with their heart power after a painful event has short-circuited the connection. To feel deep grief is better than not to feel at all.    Through the intelligence of your heart, you can release the self- victimization paradigm that bleeds and drains the quality of life. The darkness of the helplessness and hopelessness can be illuminated by the heart, in a clear and merciful awareness. What seemed so untouchable is reclaimable with the power of compassion. The iron bars begin to melt. When heart contact is finally reestablished, it changes your perception. Through a deep willingness to surrender to hope , you can let go of grief and allow your heart to speak.

Some are able to release grief far more quickly than others. However long it takes, it is always the re-connection with the power of the heart that moves you past grief. When the heart is enlivened again, it feels like the sun coming out after a week of rainy days. There is hope in the heart that chases the clouds away. Hope is a higher heart frequency, and as you begin to re-connect with your heart, hope is waiting to show you new possibilities and arrest the downward spiral of grief and loneliness. It becomes a matter of how soon you want the sun to shine. Listening to the still small voice in your heart will make hope into a reality.


The first step in recovery, whether from grief or any addiction, is to realize your heart is your power source to help you stop this self-abuse. Many recovery programs require you to admit that you are powerless and to submit to the authority of another. God would like us to use our “heart intelligence” and discover ourselves. Recovery is only half of the healing process. Acknowledging that you are powerless, unmanageable and addicted is a first step. But don’t stop there, keep growing. With a deep willingness to surrender, you can let go, listen to your “still small voice,”. and allow your unhappy life to change.

Self-pity can be replaced with compassion for yourself and others. It is compassion, rather than self-pity, which makes the greatest contribution to true growth in recovery. While some can acknowledge that “others have suffered more than I,” not many people are able to sustain that feeling of truly “counting their blessings.” Sooner or later most people find themselves on the “pity pot.” The 12 Steps program tells the newcomer not to worry; they only have to change one thing — every-thing’

Without inner heart management, this kind of effort and change in recovery is extraordinarily difficult. Very often, the lack of inner balance leads to simply changing addictions, then coping with new addictive behaviors.

“Recovering, never recovered” is living in a state of fear that addictive behavior will again control your life. Recovery is not complete until you move beyond fear and realize that we can and do recover. True and lasting recovery is achieved by developing security and understanding within your own heart. Heart management allows you to transcend fear, transform addictive behavior and literally erase such patterns from your system. Heart security enables you to move beyond “recovery” into a new dimension of life experience —discovery.

All of us have some kind of grief to explore. Grief of incompletion Grief of not having what we wish. Grief of shame. Grief of humiliation. Grief can be loss of control, death of friends or loved ones, even the loss of one’s pet. We ask, “What did I do wrong?” “Why did this happen to me?” It is the feeling of separation from ourselves and others to which the word “grief” can most accurately be applied. Real grief is the separation from your heart.

For example, when I was a teenager my best friend in the world was my horse, Shaquita. Every day I’d ride alone in the jungles and on the beach in Panama, where my father was stationed in the military. I loved her more than anything. When my father was transferred back to the States, I knew it was impractical to take Shaquita with me . I felt like I’d lost everything. There was an empty space inside . I couldn’t imagine how I could ever fall in love with anyone or anything as much as my horse. It was many years before I realized that it was my own heart opening that had felt so wonderful. That experience, as painful as it was, gave me a depth of feeling that opened a new chapter in my life. My only true desire was to feel that love again. In my search for love, I came to deep understandings.

Falling in love is magnetic. Our hearts open and we become extremely receptive. We’re more flexible and life has new sparkle. Some people fall in love with God and it feels even stronger than falling in love with a person. A mother falls in love with her child in a different way, but feels it just as deeply. All are aspects of the open heart, ready to receive. It’s the open heart that people yearn for to bring them fulfillment. In looking for love, we are looking for more of our own heart. When we lose the object of our love, the loss of that part of our heart can seem unbearable . When we try to go back to the heart and feel our love again, the old pain comes right with it.

The heart can feel like it hurts too much at times to want to put your energy there and feel what the heart feels . But it’s the pain of the heart shut off that hurts the most. You feel you’ve had to cut off a flow of love to a person or thing that is no longer there. Don’t get caught in a cycle of blaming and cutting off, blaming and cutting off. You’ll only prolong your pain. I discovered that there are plenty of people around to love, including myself. Try feeling compassion for yourself. Be gentle and kind inside as you reach for understanding. That will release the pain and let you feel your love again.

You’ll discover that real love is millions of miles past falling in love with anyone or anything. When you make that one effort to feel compassion instead of blame or self-blame, the heart opens again and continues opening. It’s only a mind-set (but a strong one) tha t says you need to have a certain something to feel that special feeling in your heart. Life will bring that feeling back to you, but you have to be open — it may come gift-wrapped in a different package than before. Your spirit wants more than anything for you to feel that total fulfillment, without dependency on someone or something for your security.

When you think another person is responsible for your happiness, then your lower heart bands of attachment are involved. Attachment keeps you bound to insecurity. It’s not that you didn’t love. You did. But it’s the mixture of love and attachment that’s confusing. You can tell you’re in lower heart bands by the way they drag you around. The deeper heart builds inner security and that is what finally transforms the pain.

Whether you’re in a relationship — with a mate, a friend, a child — or are alone, you still have a relationship with every person you meet. You have a relationship with your own heart, your spirit, yourself. If you consciously go to your heart with compassion, you will find heart intelligent answers to any relationship issue. Victimhood reflects a collective sense of resignation in our society. It isn’t that suffering and loss shouldn’t be recognized. If we valued self-responsibility, we would treat victims with compassion and respect but not reverence. So often, friends sympathize and emotionally identify with each other’s problems, thinking they’re having a heart-to-heart talk. Sympathy is two people crying in their beer, two pitiful people instead of one. This only amps up the emotions which feed the victimizing head thoughts. Then people take actions out of indignation, because of the principle of the matter, and create more stress. Offer compassionate understanding, not sympathy, to friends in distress, then you can help them see from a new perspective . If you cry with them, you give your power to them and victimize yourself.



You can speak your truth from the heart and stop being a victim of your emotions. Befriend yourself, learn to love yourself enough to stop replaying the same old victim movies. Your inner security, your heart power, doesn’t need to be dependent on anyone else, on what they say or do or don’t do. Feeling misunderstood, taken advantage of, not getting the proper credit — those times in life when someone or something has done you wrong and you feel justified in getting out of your heart — can be summed up as “the poor me’s.” Science is proving daily that self-victim-ization really does affect health. In streetsense terms: People can jog five miles a day and seem in good health, but if they’re processing “poor me’s ‘ over some problem while they jog, they are releasing debilitating hormones that deplete their immune system. You are the one victimizing yourself. “Poor me” mental processing can ruin your entire day.

Most people find their biggest unfulfillment is in the company of their own self. You can go on a vacation in the woods and just being with yourself can bring more feelings of unfulfillment than the job or home you wanted to escape. The real victimization is needing to have something outside yourself for fulfillment, to fill the “hole in the soul.” That’s the root cause of all dependency and addiction, trying to fill that hole. Addiction doesn’t work. It only temporarily masks the pain and never fulfills that part of ourself. Addictions often cost people everything — family, job, home, self-respect. The pain finally gets too much to bear and the isolation too intense. It usually takes hitting bottom for people to reach out for help in recovery.


When a person starts in recovery, they often feel an uplift at first, like they’re floating on a pink cloud about to be rescued from all their despair and pain.

Without learning to manage the self from the heart, the new high doesn’t last. People revert to self-abuse again. The real process of recovery would involve four stages. The first is admitting you’re in addiction. This requires self-honesty. The second would be uncovering what took you there. Many get stuck in a loop at this stage, identifying with the old hurts over and over again. You can never build self-esteem through constantly victimizing yourself with the old hurts. Be willing to cut your losses and self-empower here; then your third stage would be to recover to balance. Without balance you can’t enter the fourth stage: Discovering your next level of fulfillment and fun and sharing that with others.

Many times you might feel despair about your recovery process and wonder if returning to your addiction wouldn’t be better than experiencing the difficulties of your life. You might let your head run in its own loop about what is not right in your world, adding emotional intensity to your feelings of despair. You weigh out the pro’s and con’s of drinking or using something or someone again. Then you judge yourself for even thinking about it and feel worse for not being “beyond this yet.” You become afraid and anxious that you may not be able to prevent yourself from a relapse.

This is one of those times to know there is a difference between the head and the heart and to practice using heart power tools. Here are the steps. Recognize that you are in inefficient head loops and Freeze-Frame the thoughts of “lack” in your life . Activate compassion for yourself as someone who is trying hard to grow in your recovery. It helps to realize that everyone has some life geometry in which they too could use more heart empowerment. Freeze-Frame your head bandsabout the details of your issue, and go to the heart computer for a read-out on which heart tools could best help. Then sincerely practice the tool your intuition gives you.

Make an effort.

It’s important to appreciate yourself and your situation, remembering that things could always be worse. Recognize that you are experiencing the effects of old patterns of thinking and feeling that drain your power. Keep Freeze-Framing these thoughts as they surface. These steps are all acts of loving yourself. Love, love, love yourself, but don’t turn around too quickly to see if the flower you’ve planted in your heart yesterday is growing yet. Soon your heart intelligence will let you know what’s nex t for you to do. Talk to a friend to help you get a better perspective. Don’t be afraid. Your heart will tell you if what they say is right for you.

In the lower fourth dimension, people are recovering, slipping back and recovering. In the higher fourth and fifth dimensions people are discovering. Whatever your grief, whatever your addiction, using the heart tools will give you the power to move from “always working it out” to “being there.” As you practice listening to and following your heart, your love will increase in quality, and expectations and attachments will release bit by bit. Use the tool with the bottom line: just love. You know how good compassion feels when you receive it from others. So give it. And don’t forget compassion for yourself.

Begin to perceive any problem as an untransformed opportunity for empowerment. Understand that you basically have two choices. One victimizes and ages you, the other empowers you. Soon you will find yourself helping others dissipate their stress through the heart — with a lot of compassion and understanding. In loving others, you help them bypass steps that you had to go through. You awaken your own heart bands and theirs. Everyone doesn’t have to go through all the same things. That’s what love is, making it easier for others. Watch the hidden power of the heart unfold in our social structures over the next few years as more people catch on to its transforming quality and the opportunity now available. 

                  The Hidden Power of the Heart is a fascinating account

                    of the author’s personal transformation through the heart, a journey

                    that takes us into the latest discoveries in quantum physics and

                    hologram theory. You will discover a hidden power available to

                    everyone — a power that can change your own life and create a

                    new future for humanity.

                                                             About the Author

                                                             Sara Paddison is Vice President of the

                                                             Institute of HeartMath, a nonprofit edu-

                                                             cation and research organization in Boulder

                                                             Creek. California.

                                                             Copyright @ 1993 by Planetary Publications

                                                             P. O. Box 66, Boulder Creek, CA 95006

                                                             (800) 372-3100 (408) 338-2161

                                                             First Printing: September, 1992.


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