A SCRAWNY LITTLE fellow showed up at the lumber camp looking for work. “Just give me a chance to show you what I can do,” he said to the head lumberjack. “All right,” said the boss. “Take your ax and cut down that redwood tree.


Five minutes later the skinny guy was back. “I cut it down,” he said, “and split it up into lumber.” The boss couldn’t believe his eyes. “Where did you learn to cut trees like that?” “The Sahara,” the man answered.

 “The Sahara desert?” “Desert? Oh, sure, that’s what they call it now!”

              —Contributed by KUMIKO YOSHIDA

WORDS TO LIVE By: Never, Never try to pick up a woman who is wearing a Super Bowl ring.

                    — CARRY SHANDLING


THE NEWLYWEDS were on their honeymoon, strolling arm in arm along the beach, when the husband suddenly looked out toward the sea and said eloquently, “Roll on, thou deep and dark blue ocean, roll.

His bride gazed at the breakers for a moment, and then in hushed and reverent tones said, “Oh, Herman, you wonderful man. It’s doing it!”

                 —Contributedby KAREEM AL!

THE SCIENTIST approached God and said, “Listen, we’ve decided. We no longer need you. Nowadays, we can clone people, transplant hearts and do all kinds of things that were once considered miraculous.”

God patiently heard him out, and then said, ‘All right. To see whether or not you still need me, why don’t we have a man-making contest?” “Okay, great!” the scientist said. “Now, we’re going to do this just like I did back in the old days with

 Adam,” God said.

“That’s fine,” replied the scientist, .and bent to scoop up a handful of dirt. “Whoa!” God said, shaking his head in disapproval. “Not so fast, pal. You get your own dirt.”

            —Contributed by MARY E. CHANCELLOR


IN HIS VERY FIRST sky diving attempt, Oscar leapt from the.plane and pulled the rip cord... When the canopy failed to open,.he tried his reserve chute, but that didn’t work either. Saying a little.prayer, he looked down to the ground below.

 To his amazement, a woman was rocketing up through the air toward him at the same speed he was falling. “Hey, do you know anything about parachutes?” Oscar shouted desperately as they passed each other.

“No,” she answered. “Do you know anything about gas grills?”

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Church of the Science of GOD, 1993
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