BILL OF NO RIGHTS
Reviewed, Revised and approved:
WE, THE SENSIBLE PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES,
in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, delusional and other liberal bed-wetters. We hold these truths to be self-evident: that whole lots of people were confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim-witted that they require a Bill of No Rights.
ARTICLE 1:You do not have the right to as new car, big screen television set, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can manage to legally acquire one or more of them, but no one is guaranteed anything.
ARTICLE 2:You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone----not just you. You may, however, leave the room, turn the channel on the TV set, express your opinion tho it be different, etc , but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.
ARTICLE 3:You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you should stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful in the future, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives and friends independently wealthy because of your natural stupidity.
ARTICLE 4:You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found anywhere in the world, and will gladly help anyone in genuine need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve more during their lifetime but the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.
ARTICLE 5:You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of past public housing projects, weíre just not interested in free health care at the moment.
ARTICLE 6:You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you decide to kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill another human being, donít be surprised , when we catch you (and we will) if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.
ARTICLE 7:You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you should rob, cheat or coerce away the property, goods, or services of other citizens, donít be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a safe place where you still wonít have the right to a big-screen colored TV or a life of leisure.
ARTICLE 8:You donít have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and wonít lift a finger to stop you from going to fight it if youíd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a fury hat. We desire to save ourselves for the really big, important tyrants.
ARTICLE 9:You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want all of you to have a great one, and e will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of all opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you, by us, to make yourself useful to society.
ARTICLE 10:You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness----which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those who were, and still are, confused by the Bill of Rights.
Church of the Science of God
La Jolla, California 92038-3131
© Church of the Science of GOD, 1993