| Pepper for your Speeches |
A man spoke frantically into the phone,
“My wife is pregnant and now her con-
tractions are only two minutes apart!”
“Is this her first child? The doctor asked.
“No, you big idiot!” the man shouted.
“This is her husband!”
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Last night I played a blank
tape at full blast. The mime
next door just went nuts.
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If as person with multiple
personalities threatens to
commit suicide, is that to
be considered legally a
hostage situation?
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| For a moment just think
how much deeper the ocean
would be if there no sponges
living in it.
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Riddle me this; if a cow
laughed, would milk come
out of her nose?
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Tell me: Whatever happened
to Preparations “A” through
“G.” ( I’m really serious. )
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| Now; if olive oil comes
from olives, and I believe
it does. Just where does
baby oil come from?
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So; I went for a walk last
night, just to get away. My
kids asked me how long I
would gone. I said honestly,
“The whole time.”
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Now; what is the speed
of dark? (Light, I know)
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| How come you don’t ever
hear about grunted employees?
And just who has been diss-ing
them anyhow?
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After eating, do young
amphibians need to wait
an hour before getting
OUT of the water?
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I really wonder, why don’t
the manufacturers just make
mouse-flavored cat food.?
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| If you plan to send someone
some new Styrofoam, what
do you pack it in?
| I just had four new skylights
installed in my place while
they were on fall sale. The
people who live above me
are really furious.
| Why, tell me why, do they
insist on sterilizing needles
in prison when they are going
to be used for lethal injections? |
| I really wonder; do they
have reserved parking for
non-handicapped people
at the special Olympics? | Is it really true, as they
sat that cannibals don’t
eat clowns because they
taste funny? | Doesn’t seem fair. When
a man talks “dirty” to a
woman, it’s called sexual
harassment. But, when a
woman talks “dirty” to a
man, it’s $3.95 per minute. |
| If it’s really tourist season,
why can’t we shoot them? | Seems to me: Disney World
is a people trap operated by
a mouse. | Whose cruel, mean idea was it
anyway for the word “lisp” to
have an :”s” in it? |
| Since I admitted above that
I know the speed of light—
faster than sound, --isn’t that
why some people appear very
bright until you hear them
speak | How come abbreviated
is such a long word? | If it’s zero degrees outside
today and it’s supposed to
be twice as cold tomorrow,
how cold is it going to be? |
| Why do you press harder
on a remote-control when
you know the battery is
really dead? | Since traditionally most
Americans throw rice at
weddings, do Asians throw
hamburgers? | Why are they called buildings,
when they are already built. If
they finished shouldn’t they be
called builts? |
| And; why are they called apart-
ments, when they are all stuck
together? | Why do banks insist on charg-
ing you a “non-sufficient funds
fee” on money they already
know you don’t have?
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