A CRY FROM THE CONSUMER

Grasshoppers ream the Kansas fields and eat the tender grass—

A trivial affair, indeed, but what then comes to pass?

You go to buy a panama, or any other hat;

You learn the price has been advanced a lot because of that.

A glacier up in Canada has slipped a mile or two—

A little thing like this can boost the selling price of glue.

Occurrences so tragic always thrill me to the core;

I hope and pray that nothing ever happens any more.

Last week the peaceful Indians went a-searching after scalps,

And there was an avalanche ‘way over in the Alps;

These diametric happenings seem nothing much, but look—

We had to add a dollar to the wages of the cook.

The bean-crop down at Boston has grown measurably less,

And so the dealer charges more for goods to make a dress.

Each day there is som2 incident to make a man feel sore,

I’m on my knees to ask that nothing happens any more.

It didn’t rain in Utah and it did in old Vermont—

Result:         it costs you fifty more to take a summer’s jaunt;

Upon the plains of Tibet some tornadoes took a roll—

Therefore the barons have to charge a higher price for coal.

A street-car strike in Omaha has cumulative shocks—

It boosted huckleberries up to twenty cents a box.

No matter what is happening it always finds your door—

Give us a rest! Let nothing ever happen any more.

Mosquitoes in New Jersey bite a magnate on the wing—

Result:         the poor consumer feels that fierce mosquito’s sting;

The skeeter’s song is silenced, but in something like an hour

The grocers understand that it requires a raise in flour.

A house burns down in Texas and a stove blows up in Maine,

Ten minutes later breakfast foods in prices show a gain.

Effects must follow causes-which is what I most deplore;

I hope and pray that nothing ever happens any more.

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