KINDLY UNHITCH THAT STAR, BUDDY


by: OGDEN NASH


I hardly suppose I know anybody who wouldn’t rather be a success than a failure, just as I suppose every piece of crabgrass in the garden would much rather be an azalea, and in celestial circles all the run-of-the-mill angels would rather be archangels or at least cherubim and seraphim, and in the legal world all the little process-servers hope to grow up into great big bailiffim and sheriffim.


Indeed, everybody wants to be a wow, but not everybody knows exactly how.


Some people think they will eventually wear diamonds instead of rhinestones only by everlastingly keeping their noses to their ghrinestones. And other people think they will be able to put in more time at Palm Beach and the Ritz by not paying too much attention to attendance at the office but rather in being brilliant by starts and fits. Some people after a full day’s work sit up all night getting a college education by correspondence, While others seem to think they’ll get just as far by devoting their evenings to the study of the difference in temperament between brunettance and blondance. Some stake their all on luck, And others put their faith in their ability to pass the buck.


In short, the world is filled with people trying to achieve success, And half of them think they’ll get it by saying No and half of them by saying Yes,And if all the ones who say No said Yes, and vice versa, such is the fate of humanity that ninety-nine per cent of them still woul~’t be any better off than they were before. Which perhaps is just as well because if everybody was a success nobody could be contemptuous of anybody else and everybody would start in all over again trying to be a bigger success than everybody else so they would have somebody to be contemptuous of and so on forevermore, because when people start hitching their wagons to a star,


That’s the way they are!



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