1. Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn’t live there.
2. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
3. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
4. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
5. Whatever happened to Preparations “A” through “G”?
6. If olive oil comes from olives—where does baby oil come from?
7. I went for a walk last night, and my kids asked how long I’d be gone. I said “The whole time.”
8. A man spoke frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!” “Is this her first child?” the doctor asked. “NO, you idiot!” the man shouted. “This is her husband!”
9. So, what’s the speed of dark?
10. How come you don’t hear about gruntled employees” And who has been diss-ing them anyhow?
11. After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water.
12. Why doesn’t someone just make mouse-flavored cat food?
13. If you have to send someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
14. I just installed six skylights in my place. The people who live above me are really furious.
15. Riddle me this: Why do they sterilize needles before lethal injections?
I6. I wonder----do they really have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
17. Is it really true that cannibals don’t eat clowns----because they taste funny?
18. When a man talks “dirty” to as woman, its sexual harassment. But, when a woman talks “dirty” to a man, it’s at least $3.95 per minute.
19. It it’s tourist season, why isn’t it legal to shoot them?
20. Tell me----Isn’t Disney World really a people trap operated by a mouse?
21. Whose real cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
22. Since light travels faster than sound, isn’t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
23. Just how come abbreviated is such a l-o-n-g word?
24. If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, just how cold is double zero? (How cold is it going to be?)
25. Why do you press harder on the remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
26. Since we Americans throw rice at our weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
27. Why are they called buildings, when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they now be called “builts”?
28. Why are they called apartments, when they’re all stuck together?
And pray tell me—
Just why do banks charge you a “non-sufficient funds fee” on the money they already know you don’t have?
Church of the Science of God
La Jolla, California 92038-3131
© Church of the Science of GOD, 1993